Changing winds

It has been a fairly long span of time since I last wrote an entry into here. I guess when we 'grow up', life simply moves on and you tend to leave out certain things you do not deem essential anymore. It is fairly noticeable that the many things that my peers and I once did have grown out of favour, and blogging which was once a hype in our late teenage years or early adult years is one of them. The reason why I feel that I should have continued writing, either via this webpage or any other resources, is because my language proficiency has taken a toll by the demise of it. So here's a one-off entry: I can remember definitive points and experience in my life that impacted my mind so much that I made life-changing decisions based upon them. I do wonder sometimes, if I should not have been so influenced by these moments. That said, we make decisions based on our thought processes which are subjected to experience, feelings and reality.

True or False

If things do not work out the way you wanted them to be, but yet, somewhere down the line, you look back and realise that things are actually quite alright, it's not because things happen for a reason. It is because you managed to see the better side of life.

Matters of the Living

Decisions in Life. They're never easy, but they need to be made; whether or not the heart and the mind are in sync, preferably so, but not necessary. There are right and wrong decisions, contrary to what many might say. Its only because it sounds better that there are no wrong decisions, to make people feel better. In actual fact, there is such thing as a wrong decision. Time will unveil the experience that will teach, the emotions that will be encountered and the faith that will be tested. Courage is probably the one thing that will determine survival.

Seems Just Like Yesterday

Once in a long while, I look back into my blog. Recollecting memories and thoughts I once had, and how I came about them. It seems like such a long time ago but when triggered, only seems like yesterday. Creativity and linguistic skills have definitely stalled in the midst of life and its transitions. For example, had to think a long hard while to remember what was the last (non-medical/non-fiction) book I read! It was 'Songs of the Humpback Whale'. I actually did enjoy reading that book over spring holidays. The book has been with me for almost 3 years and I finally picked it up and it travelled with me across the oceans back to Malaysia. It was such a refreshing moment. I shall not be too ambitious to say that I would like to read a book every week, nor every month. Perhaps, I shall start with every season. Summer is saying its goodbye soon, so I need to up my focus and grab a good read soon. Oh, and a holiday is always overdue. ;) I love to travel, to see new things, tantalise my palate, absorb culture, and take lots and lots of amazing photos. I believe that where I am at the moment is making me think long and hard about what is going on and to which direction I would like it to go, and of course, where I'd like to be, and whom I would love share it with. The latter has the clearest answers, but as for the rest, its still rapidly evolving! I like to think that I used to know the answers to most questions I have in my mind. Of late, there have been too many confounding factors, and rather important and impossible to ignore. I have become complacent in life, which sounds like a really bad thing. So, as for now, whilst dreaming for the amazing, I shall focus of the dreaded priority.

Pic taken when I was at Boston, Mass 2009.

The little things in life..

That gives the biggest impact. :)

Stressed

There are times when I do wonder if I had made the right choice in staying back in the UK. I feel as though I am missing out on a lot , and worse still, being in the age group where I should be experiencing the prime things in life. Work and exams are taking a toll. Worse still is both appear bleak. Support is there, don't get me wrong. But true friends are scarce. I do wonder what happened and where things went wrong. Perhaps it is me. I need a break. A little "me" time.

Never lost nor forgotten.

My dreams will not be lost or forgotten. They will instead be incubated, as a hobby. When the time is right, they will hatch. And born again shall my dreams be, everlasting and growing.

Another Living Day

Am I going to start blogging again? This would probably be one of those entries based on the spur of moment. Blogs are like diary entries aren't they? I don't think I am a diary-writing person, although I used to have a book where I do have exercepts of my life on the pages in the book. The book lasted me more than 10 years now, and it is still with me, with blank pages waiting to be filled. I find it therapeutic to be able to express thoughts and feelings in words. It is not easy finding the right words at the right time to depict all these emotions. Lately, as I have not been writing or reading much, I find my writing skills has significantly deteriorated. Blogging is a much faster way to put an entry in. I can type fairly quickly, as with many from my generation who chat relentlessly and endlessly on the world wide web. Thoughts that flow in my mind pours down into my running fingers on the keyboard. Perhaps it is better to write in some ways. As the pace of writing allows you to think slowly, and process each word and sentence as you pen it down. I have come yet to another end. It has again, been quite a year. Full of ups and downs. I don't think it is much of a highlight this year compared to previous years. I guess the most significant part is which I have completed my foundation training as a doctor and going into core training. It was a very tough year. Many important decisions were made. I am not happy with my progress. I as though I have done so little that I have moved backwards instead of forwards. It's very disappointing. Although the future is uncertain and the paths can be changed at any point, the current flow has been started. I am now a "free" individual to embark on a career journey wherever I wish to be. I changed the direction of my original path quite significantly, for better or for worse. I am getting this feeling where I am rather sad and scared to leave. Frankly, I don't think I have managed to assimilate into the new group of work colleagues and make new friends at this new place well. Therefore, I am sad about that fact more than the fact that I am leaving the place. I am scared too. Relocation is never a great thing, especially when it is to a place where I know little of. I am more of a pessimist than an optimist at times like these. I really hope that I can create from within strength and positivity as I will definitely need them in abundance in coming days. Even now I am feeling the effects of forlorn. I was at work today and a colleague commented on my "lost" look. I could not have summarised it so succinctly into one word any better than that. I am looking forward, don't get me wrong. Yet at the same time, I do wonder whether or not I can catch up with all the changes and adapt in a way and into a place like how I wish it to be. I don't have much here. I am far away from my family. My good friends left here are few. I am by myself at most times. I do get stressed every now and again. Emotions run high - like now. I am frightened. I think I need to 'call a friend'. I hope that option will still be available for me as time takes its course. Before I lose more and more of myself.

A revival?

I had a surprise whilst talking to a dear friend a few days ago. He asked if I was still blogging. I never realised he knew I blogged! (Obviously there are contents that I am shy to expose to him). Apparently, someone else saw it on a public computer and told him.

*_*

I was ignited then to visit my own blog site..
And realised, there is a lot that I have written here, thoughts and emotions; which I could not recall that clearly now but its seems so much clearer after reading. And its all not that bad.

So, perhaps it is time for a revival. I do like to write, I do like expressing my thoughts. I share, to a certain extent. So, we'll see!

On bare knees...

‎"There are moments when, whatever the posture of the body, the soul is on its knees.”
- Victor Hugo