DiFFeRenTiaL* 28th Oct 2004

as we walk along the path of life, often do we ponder on what the future lies ahead for us,is it going to be a glittering affair, with success below our feet, glory within our reach and a sense of acheivement in our grasp?~ Shu Li

i have once written an essay about dreams, saying that my dream is not a delusion, illusion or a vague memory of time. but instead, it is a vision, a sight of the impending, a mark in time waiting to be realised.These were my orientation of mind back when i was in secondary school. i had high hopes and dreams, but most important of all, i had determination; i had self-confidence.

many times i have said, i truly enjoyed my secondary school life. coming to college wasn't any fun. times changed. the environment changed. and as for me, i changed to. i miss the past 'me'. many things today have not gone the way i wish it would have been. but i cannot complain. perhaps i am part to blame, (though i cannot really seem to be a hundred percent sure) for not taking enough initiative to make myself enjoy college more. but then again, there are so many barriers and inconveniences that i have to overcome and encounter. it didn't seem worth the trouble. indeed, life ain't a bed of roses, but life had been better than a bed of roses for me when i was in Buyong Adil. at times, i wished i could continue my secondary school forever. i loved it them. the activities that i partook, the people that i have met, the friends that i made..it was lovely.

i know that i am somewhat 'different' from the others. i cannot make myself like some things that others do, and this is a negative aspect of me. sometimes, i am neutral at what they do, people are, afterall, individuals. but i think that i am too much of an individualist. or perhaps my comparison to my surroundings made me come to this conclusion. i love sports, i love activities, i love debates and public speaking, i love leadership and participation activities, i love discussing news, controversial issues...these were things that kept my mind agile, my spirit high and my interests soaring.

today, luck is not on my side. i cannot find someone to share these passions with. my mind is dull, my spirits is at an all-time low, and my interests, they have dropped to nil. just like a bird, it is only a joy to flock together. i am lost from a flock i have yet to find....will i ever find one? i can only hope...

(which reminds me of another poem which goes, Hope is like the harebell,trembling from its birth, Love is like a rose, the joy of all the earth,Faith is like a lily, lifted high and white,Love is like a lovely rose, the world's delight.Harebells and sweet lilies show a thornless growth,But the rose with all its thorns excels them both. ~C.Rossetti)

the difference between me and the rest of my peers is quite significant. there are things in common, i do not deny that, but i still hope and pray that i can find someone or people whom i can truly share these interests with.....okies, frens wanna go back adie...gotta sign off now.

~~
Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in all Venice. His reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff: you shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you have them, they are not worth the search.
~~
Shakey