Defintions..

Love should not be defined
It should just be experienced;
Read and make less between the lines,
Such is this minute thought of mine.

Am in the library of a district hospital, listening to my playlist of music after changing some settings on the computer, something which I ought not to do. Am away from the bustling small city of Cardiff, away from the comfort of my own room but probably for the better since heating here is more assured. The snow fell heavily over the past week.

I have been having erratic sleeping hours, going to bed at 6pm and awakening at 2am unable to fall back asleep. I saw the snow falling that morning, white specks trickling from the sky gently descending and with a fluffy landing amongst itself. The views were absolutely stunning. Everywhere was lavishly simple. Purely Mother Nature - well, let's neglect our acts of global warming for a while here. It was such an amazing experience to be able to sink my feet into 10inches or so of fluffy icy snow. I wish there were people around me so we can mess about together. =) Instead, I called home and messed about the pristine snow. I wasn't really alone.

I do hope that the snow will still sparkle and be thick when I am together with some friends in our own privacy to do some crazy stuff. I don't think that there will be very many chances left to go crazy with snow - not at this amount, nor at this age. There are certain things that we can only do in our 'youth'. I believe this is one of them. Can you imagine a 30year old making snow angels?! Well, you could, if you have a kid. How ironic isn't it? That you can be a kid again when you have a kid. =)

The week's been pretty much like every other placement. I have changed a bit in the wards, but no where near some whom I admire and look up to. I should be more worried about the exams, but there is a niggling feeling in my heart which I find hard to eradicate. Temporarily masking is what it is, temporary.

However, something special did happen today. The 'Grand Round' today was rather different. It was given by Professor Saunders and it wasn't a case presentation nor a research project. It did involve medicine, medical students, doctors, patients and human values. It seemed as though it was a 'goodbye, thank you, I'm about to retire' kind of talk. It lasted for a good hour or so, which I enjoyed very much, but more so, appreciated every minute of it. I hope that you have experienced a talk which have inspired and motivated you as I have. On this occasion, it was a timely and aptly one. It was like a booster dose of positivity, a ray of light in the cold icy month of january, the bloom of a long awaited bud. These talks are getting harder and harder to come by with age. When I was younger, I found some which did not make sense, but as I grew up but still foolish and naive, I gradually heard more sensible ones. College was the first time I truly appreciated and embraced these small but powerful jets of inspiration given by my class tutor. This occured sporadically and I wish I had recorded some and play it back now! In tertiery education and with time these become more pronounced and valueble. Again, another 'youth' thing!

That said, do you realise how much more appreciation you give when something is given by someone you respect and know of his/her background? Say, Me vs Prof Hawkings with the same script, who would have a larger impact in the presentation?!)

We all have our coping mechanisms when we feel low. Sometimes, it is our friends, sometimes, it is our family, sometimes, it is our loved ones..but what happens if our friends are busy? Or we are not well attached to our family? Or the loved one isn't present? And there is a boundary with our colleagues? Who can you turn to? If you're feeling that out there, let it be known you're not alone.

Its okay to feel down sometimes.

Postscript: Oh, ever experienced how funny it is when you answer a phonecall when you're asleep?!?!