Another Living Day

Am I going to start blogging again? This would probably be one of those entries based on the spur of moment. Blogs are like diary entries aren't they? I don't think I am a diary-writing person, although I used to have a book where I do have exercepts of my life on the pages in the book. The book lasted me more than 10 years now, and it is still with me, with blank pages waiting to be filled. I find it therapeutic to be able to express thoughts and feelings in words. It is not easy finding the right words at the right time to depict all these emotions. Lately, as I have not been writing or reading much, I find my writing skills has significantly deteriorated. Blogging is a much faster way to put an entry in. I can type fairly quickly, as with many from my generation who chat relentlessly and endlessly on the world wide web. Thoughts that flow in my mind pours down into my running fingers on the keyboard. Perhaps it is better to write in some ways. As the pace of writing allows you to think slowly, and process each word and sentence as you pen it down. I have come yet to another end. It has again, been quite a year. Full of ups and downs. I don't think it is much of a highlight this year compared to previous years. I guess the most significant part is which I have completed my foundation training as a doctor and going into core training. It was a very tough year. Many important decisions were made. I am not happy with my progress. I as though I have done so little that I have moved backwards instead of forwards. It's very disappointing. Although the future is uncertain and the paths can be changed at any point, the current flow has been started. I am now a "free" individual to embark on a career journey wherever I wish to be. I changed the direction of my original path quite significantly, for better or for worse. I am getting this feeling where I am rather sad and scared to leave. Frankly, I don't think I have managed to assimilate into the new group of work colleagues and make new friends at this new place well. Therefore, I am sad about that fact more than the fact that I am leaving the place. I am scared too. Relocation is never a great thing, especially when it is to a place where I know little of. I am more of a pessimist than an optimist at times like these. I really hope that I can create from within strength and positivity as I will definitely need them in abundance in coming days. Even now I am feeling the effects of forlorn. I was at work today and a colleague commented on my "lost" look. I could not have summarised it so succinctly into one word any better than that. I am looking forward, don't get me wrong. Yet at the same time, I do wonder whether or not I can catch up with all the changes and adapt in a way and into a place like how I wish it to be. I don't have much here. I am far away from my family. My good friends left here are few. I am by myself at most times. I do get stressed every now and again. Emotions run high - like now. I am frightened. I think I need to 'call a friend'. I hope that option will still be available for me as time takes its course. Before I lose more and more of myself.