WHeRe iS tHe LoVe??

Lately, I came across situations and articles and forums 'discussing' about racial integration/religious issues and topics of relevence to those matters. What is happening to the community? Bringing into a smaller perspective, what is going on to my fellow malaysian family members? My fellow 'brothers and sisters' - not in religion, but as countrymen. Can't we not call fellow countrymen 'brothers' and 'sisters'? Must they be only used in a religious context?

I shall only give my thoughts on matters close to me and not the broad issues since I might not have a good grasp about it. Coming from a multiracial society, growing up in 'kebangsaan' schools, I really enjoyed the exposure, the love and understanding from all my fellow friends consisting of a right balance people not the same race and religion as I am. For instance, my closest friend when I was in Standard 1 is an Indian girl, Form 2, a malay girl...the rest of the years - heck, everyone!

Back in school, participating and leading societies and groups were not an uphill, daunting task. Everyone played their roles very well. We were a team, themed on EXCELLENCE. *gasp*! those were the sweet, joyous, ambitious, courageous, bold and sprited times! Oh, there were the shortfalls, shortcomings..and whatever there were to be short of; but in general, things were pretty much what i said they were. However, growing up, as we age, the gap widened. I felt that, though it never really did affect me. Sadly, it affected the people around me, and perhaps, to a certain extent, myself due to the society forming its norms.. and it gradually seeped into the minds of the people around me.

I wish that there will come a time that, though impossible to achieve in every single individual,; it is achievable in a small community of malaysians.
- To be able to speak his/her mind; for the people spoken to to take it rationally and maturely, without holding grudges; To rationalized any disagreements with open thoughts; To not orientate your mind into a pessimistic one just because a thought/issue has been raised by someone not of your religion; and not blindly agree and support someone with the same religion as yours.

Let's not just try to portray a harmonious, multicultural community, but actually LIVING in one. The attempt to show this scene to others should be lived in the journey of the portrayal.

"If you want to make the world a better place, just take a look of yourself and make that change." - Man in the Mirror, MJ

I am trying to make that change.

i never said that i was good at art did i? haha..

A British Life?

People are different. That is why we are also called individuals. But how indifferent can we get to be??

I never fail to compare the lifestyle back home and the lifestyle here. and here are the few of my discoveries - proven.

1. The way dishes are washed here are very creepy. One 'bilas' with soap and water...all in the same basin. you can still see the soapy stuff (aka FOAM) still on the plates/cutlery when they are placed back on the racks, being deemed 'clean'. imagine that! and the next time when they use the dishes..no 'bilas' at all. ~oooh lala~

2. people here curse a lot. i wonder why! and the sad thing is, i can see this trend 'menular' di tanahair~! --- for no (god d*mn) reason, ppl here (f**kin') curse a lot! i wonder what (the h*ll that's) so "cool" about all that (sh*t)...!!

3. death is not a taboo here. you can plan your funeral, the songs you want to be played during your funeral, the themed colour, clothes you wanna be buried in.. etc even if you are only 12 years old.

4. drinking. this is often cliched. so i am not gonna touch on this matter much. no mamak stalls here.

5. How people here care about things that are so frivolous. a new Tesco express opened just down salisbury road (hallelujah! i am just 60 secs away from chocs and munchies*!)..and the deputy editor of Gair Rhydd (Cardiff Student Newspaper) HAD to write an article about the store being 'said' to be once a home to swingers' parties. *sheesh* --also, since i mentioned Gair Rhydd, wanna side track a but about it. Cardiff Student papers is, i guess, rather famous, but recently infamous. Famous cuz it's Guardian (UK) student newspaper of the Year...but infamous, cuz it was the FIRST british publication to print cartoons of the Prophet.

6. Oh yeah, and the discrimination. perhaps not really 'discrimination' but the inferiority complex. A few students feeling more 'superior' than the asian/non-caucasian counterparts. hehe, but wait til we use our mother tongue! (waggles*) They are pretty shocked that we can master quite a number of languages.

--------------------------------
ALRITE...but i've gotta be fair now. the GOOD bits:

1. Generally, people here are simply COURTEOUS! downright courteous. Pedestrians STOP at zebra crossings, sometimes even at normal roads (not many traffic areas) just to let you cross.
They would wait 3 seconds and hold the door for you..yeah, 3 seconds you might think is not long, but just pause there, doing nothing but holding the door, perhaps even rushing and count:...1........2........3. that's patience for me!

2. hhmmm...somehow, shuly is not feeling very kind today. can't think of anything else!

I can't express myself well...thus, i use other forms to express myself :

~~~~~~~~~~
I always wanted to be somebody.
If I made it, it's half because I was game enough to take a lot of punishment along the way
and half because there were a lot of people who cared enough to help me.

-A.Gibson
~~~~~~~~~~

TRyiNg iT On My oWn..

wiser now...
not the same as the person
so long ago

stronger now...
learnt from my mistakes
which way to go

not afraid to try it on my own...

trying..

smokin' times....*_*

schoolin'

i miss my secondary school mates...and the teachers!
sigh* life is not crappy and silly and fun anymore...
boo-hoo.

MiDNiTe RanTeRs..

i have to say this out loud!!!

i can't believe how pleased i am to have been allocated at the residences that i am currently staying..and mind you, this place wasn't even in my top 5 choices!!!!

where i am at, is an old place. therefore, i think you can imagine how the conditions are compared to the newer blocks..yup. old, dirty-ish, nothing posh or above average. A typical budget accommodation is what i would call it. But yet, i am loving it here. Location is terrific,..and with the opening of a tesco express just seconds away...this is soo great. but i sure do pity those smaller shops around the area..they are sure gonna suffer some loses. many thanks to the greater powers above for the installation of INTERNET here as well - this is the FIRST year that they fixed it at this residences!

hmm..i wonder how my house for next year (sept) would be like...=) sure am looking forward to live with my future ever-so-variated housemates! variated in terms of characters and personality that is! it sure is gonna be helluva' wicked time! *wink* hahaha! am i exaggerating?? perhaps....a lil'. hehe

mmm...hungry. eeks! supper-ing!

iN QuEsT FoR a SeARcH oF a NeW BeGINinG..

mmm...

there is a lot that i would like to express and say it out..but not to any person. and writing it down seems like a hassle since i can definitely type much faster that i can write! haha..my mom used to have all sorts of computer programmes when my brothers and i were little so that we learn how to type fast and accurately. she should have introduced internet chatting to me instead. it was a speedy way to learn! in an instant, VOILA, i found a talent! hehe, i can now type faster and more accurately than her! and without looking at the keyboard! =D

oops..i am diverging from the initial subject i was gonna type. but yeah, sometimes, things are to be left unsaid...and besides, don't anyone feel uncomfortable telling it out to whoever that might be reading this?!??! i had always wondered what makes people blog. perhaps it is a good way to express themselves..or that they simply want others to know how they are feeling without telling them directly...or perhaps it is much easier to write it out and then let ur friends visit the site instead of having to email them individually..!

i know i have submitted in quite a number of blogs (though it's extremely few compared to some of my friends who are constant bloggers!), i still do not feel comfortable..i am clueless as to why too! hehe, perhaps that would create a greater aura of curiosity around me towards the reader..??! *winkies* hehe, or perhaps readers of my blog would just find me a boring person.....

well...just to give you a taster on how i am currently doing..:
time has been passing by very quickly. in a flash, weekends after weekends are going past me..there has been a lot of work thrown on me lately..and for the rest of my coursemates. it's rather difficult to cope, but yet, i do find it fair of the university's course structure to do so since they have, afterall been preparing us for this and gradually introducing the workload. yeah, it has been tough since the semester started and i find it difficult to find any spare time - even if it's just a little bit!- any time that i have now is what i choose to WASTE...for instance, now. *shuly grimaces*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas;
thought by thought,choice by choice.

-Oprah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Essentials

~~~~~~~~~
And in the sweetness of friendship
let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
-K.Gibran
~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever felt blessed to have found friends whom you can almost certainly trust, talk to and share all your thoughts, emotions and feelings with? And to have that friendship returned the same way?

You can have many friends around you and be at ease with all of them but yet, how many can you pour out all your feelings to, to turn to at times of need and to rely upon during crucial moments?

Indeed, in the sweetness of friendship, the smallest and most trivial things can make the heart finds its morning and ever so refreshed.

Thank you...to those around me, yesterday, today, tomorrow and ever more;
for being so supportive, for always carving a smile upon me, igniting the spark and outburst of laughters, for always considering my feelings, hurting them never, for never failing to be there. I hope i can be a great as a friend as you are.

Old Thoughts

http://shuly.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/

Back On Track

hello!

it has been ages since i last posted a blog. apparently, my account got all weirdo and my blogs were posted in friendster's blogs..not many though. like i always say over and over...i don't blog.

hehe..well, this morning i wasn't feeling myself. i had to play some music before i left for my lab sessions and had to bring along my mp3 player to listen on the way. i guess my emotions/feelings/mind wasn't at peace and music was the only channel to calm and soothe myself.

it was also the time where i wished i could say, " 2am, and the rain is falling...here we are, at the crossroads once again.." --from a song.

The rain. everytime it rains here, especially in the evening, when it's dark, it reminds me of home..somehow, memories and images of home will come to mind where i will be in the house doing what i do best..! nothing! savouring the moment i would call it.

everytime i light a candle, i sure do miss the time when there's no electricity back home. those were the days! almost always, i wish that when i go back home, the electric will 'putus' and then the house will be lit dimly with candles..the tranquil atmosphere..no 'engine' sounds from the refridgerator, or wind blowing from the fan or animations from the telly. all that's heard are beautiful, natural sounds..splendid.

yeah, i miss those moments~

and thanks to the person who made me get this blog going again..=)

Meeting Ol' Buddies- 2nd June 2005

hehe..i managed to meet up with my dearest friends recently!!!!! it was such a nice time meeting up with them..

the venue for the meet was at midvalley..but it was such a coincidence that both my friend and i were in the same KTM train heading there! we were in different coaches though..haha!

we arrived at midvalley around 4pm..and chatted away! this did not stop till we parted at 10pm..yeah, somewhere around that time..but of course, this time, we were in pyramid already. and i also arranged to met a friend from primary school. i had not meet him for the past EIGHT years..!!!!!

anyway, the meet up was really great. it really showed me how much i have to thank for in life..cheerios!

"the woods are lovely, dark and deep; but i have miles to go and promises to keep, before i sleep.."

CaLYpSo - 6th Feb 2005

I have been staying in Tapah for such a long time and very often i come across the word written as the title for my entry here. but never once had i thought that the word could have a meaning, and not just a shop's name.

I went to cut and dye my hair today..haha, yeah, i know, the colour comes into question rite? well, it's black. had to dye it back black before 'messing' around with other colours again..perhaps in the future. OK, back to the main topic for today. i went to the hair salon yesterday and the name of the shop s calypso. i don't think it is the same spelling though..but the word CALYPSO does actually have a meaning! ~ i checked it up and it's some kind of etymology word: capitalized : a sea nymph in Homer's Odyssey who keeps Odysseus seven years on the island of Ogygia

i have nothing to add here. not that there is nothing happening around me, but rather nothing significant which i would like to share here. some might think that i am the type of person who keeps things to herself, but i would like to differ. it's just that i do not see a point in 'blogging' things that i don't feel like doing so...i'll write something...but only when i feel like doing so and not just for the sake of it. i have some sorta like a diary thing...and mind you, it is the WRITTEN form and not the TYPED form..the one thin little book has lasted me for ages!! my first account in that book was in december 1998!!! hah! anyone has any ideas on how am i suppose to keep that book P&C if i go to UK?? don't tell me i'll have to bring along??!!..well, the pages are coming to an end..and bringing it to UK would be a rather silly thing to do..carrying it all the way there and all..hope to hear of your opinions...taa...SHu Li

DiFFeRenTiaL* 28th Oct 2004

as we walk along the path of life, often do we ponder on what the future lies ahead for us,is it going to be a glittering affair, with success below our feet, glory within our reach and a sense of acheivement in our grasp?~ Shu Li

i have once written an essay about dreams, saying that my dream is not a delusion, illusion or a vague memory of time. but instead, it is a vision, a sight of the impending, a mark in time waiting to be realised.These were my orientation of mind back when i was in secondary school. i had high hopes and dreams, but most important of all, i had determination; i had self-confidence.

many times i have said, i truly enjoyed my secondary school life. coming to college wasn't any fun. times changed. the environment changed. and as for me, i changed to. i miss the past 'me'. many things today have not gone the way i wish it would have been. but i cannot complain. perhaps i am part to blame, (though i cannot really seem to be a hundred percent sure) for not taking enough initiative to make myself enjoy college more. but then again, there are so many barriers and inconveniences that i have to overcome and encounter. it didn't seem worth the trouble. indeed, life ain't a bed of roses, but life had been better than a bed of roses for me when i was in Buyong Adil. at times, i wished i could continue my secondary school forever. i loved it them. the activities that i partook, the people that i have met, the friends that i made..it was lovely.

i know that i am somewhat 'different' from the others. i cannot make myself like some things that others do, and this is a negative aspect of me. sometimes, i am neutral at what they do, people are, afterall, individuals. but i think that i am too much of an individualist. or perhaps my comparison to my surroundings made me come to this conclusion. i love sports, i love activities, i love debates and public speaking, i love leadership and participation activities, i love discussing news, controversial issues...these were things that kept my mind agile, my spirit high and my interests soaring.

today, luck is not on my side. i cannot find someone to share these passions with. my mind is dull, my spirits is at an all-time low, and my interests, they have dropped to nil. just like a bird, it is only a joy to flock together. i am lost from a flock i have yet to find....will i ever find one? i can only hope...

(which reminds me of another poem which goes, Hope is like the harebell,trembling from its birth, Love is like a rose, the joy of all the earth,Faith is like a lily, lifted high and white,Love is like a lovely rose, the world's delight.Harebells and sweet lilies show a thornless growth,But the rose with all its thorns excels them both. ~C.Rossetti)

the difference between me and the rest of my peers is quite significant. there are things in common, i do not deny that, but i still hope and pray that i can find someone or people whom i can truly share these interests with.....okies, frens wanna go back adie...gotta sign off now.

~~
Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in all Venice. His reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff: you shall seek all day ere you find them, and when you have them, they are not worth the search.
~~
Shakey

An Affair to Remember - 23rd Oct 2004

~aN aFFaiR tO reMeMBeR~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"what's in a name?
to which we call a rose,
by any other name,
would smell as sweet..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the other day, i went to a library. no, it wasn't the college's library. but at this library, they have all sorts of programmes and learning courses. so there i was, seated, reading and minding my own business whilst the people around me walked about abuzz with little chatters filling the atmosphere. it wasn't a place where all were to be quiet. no, this place is to unwind..it's not to study - solely.next to me seated a little boy. he was about the age of four. he opened a book, of which i didn't really bothered to look...his mom was there.. but when his sister came and helped him with his work, it carved a smile onto me as i heard what they were saying. it wasn't my intention to eavesdrop, but their conversation made my mind linger back to when i was about their age.

they were discussing their music theory homework!!! when the word 'crotchet', 'quavers', 'semiquavers', 'bars', 'keys', 'sharp', 'melody'...etc were mentioned, it really swept me back to the 90s! my gosh! i sound OLD! but it is the truth. i took those lessons when i was their age. when my voice sounded like a child's and my height, perhaps just about a metre tall. oh yes, i was a child then. i was brought back to the atmosphere in my piano teacher's house. gosh...i had really good memories about those times,...dreaded ones included!

now that i am back home, i took the opportunity to play the piano. the piano is slightly out of tune,..but i am totally OUT of tune! i never did have the 'touch' like Mozart or the skills of Beethoven, so i guess it was practise that had brought me where i reached in my piano skills. and those skills were mediocre. hehe, i lack the lustre then, what more now!

my education is not so good either. i'm struggling. i don't mind that. but i would like if my struggles show fruits of its labour!!!...man..this is quite disappointing.i never could seem to find something that i could entirely devote myself to. oh, please don't get me wrong, i really do wanna take up medicine, but if only i had that spark which would make the road easier. but then again, paving the way is a toil. it takes a lot of hard work and sweat.....hmm.,..if only i could add an air-conditioning system while i work!

~~~~~~~
"what is man?
a foolish baby,who cries, shouts and frets,
demanding all, deserving nothing,
one small grave is what he gets!"
~~~~~~

EcLaiR - 9th April 2004

I've always hoped that my education phase of life would be like one in the storybooks that i have read. But sadly, i know that that will not happen. Miserable? perhaps.

Our lives are heavily influenced by the Americans. Why? Because they are proud of who they are and that's why others want to emulate them. we, Malaysians, cannot even be proud of our country. if our own children do not respect the country, how would you expect a person of a different nationality to respect you?

which now comes to the gist of what i am about to write. my dream education-to study in america, to be amongst the best in the ivy league, to study while making a name for thyself, to graduate with job offers pouring in...to be able to be one of the most influential FRESH graduate the working sector has ever seen. be it law, economics, or banking. now, why not medicine? science has never been at a glory when it comes to individual. we cherish the results more than the people. and this is totally the opposite of the 3 main sectors i mentioned earlier. People before self in science. but in law, economics, politics or banking, it is always SELF..then people. for without "self" there is no "people". now that is what i respect from those in this field.

why USA? simple. it's making waves. indeed, nobel prize winners were abundance in UK-ONCE. it was when the coveted prize was initially introduced. however, the geniuses winning the awards are no longer from the UK. why? can anyone give me an answer to that?now back to my dream.....i'm not that smart. haha! simple.indeed, our literature book has taught us not to make dreams our master, but i say, master your dreams and don't stop dreaming! sometimes, when reality takes a punch onto u, dreams can whisk you off your feet... only problem is, landing. good luck!

hello

testing