The weather today...

The weather, as how I feel ....

A song

20th November

The touch of a frail elderly woman in post-op pain,
Talking to me, giving me her best smile to encourage me;

The little girl who giggles and runs about,
She waves at me, and baby talks to me in French, unknowing that her baby brother might not be doing too well;

The eager, excited yet nervous doting dads,
Whose tears of joy make you quiver in awe;

The picture of a family,
Painting a scene of fullness, and completion;

Like the baby brother of the french belle,
who made it through the week, being discharged,
and I so happen was at the hospital's exit,
being recognized, wishing them well,
and saw the family leave, complete.

Then, there is the woman, who has been through it all,
Exuberating the strength, of being one.

I live for moments like these.

Shu Li’s gotta endure and strive!

Taking each day, as it comes along, as it is, and being thankful, that I have, a day to live by, a day to live for, and a day to reflect on yesterday.

thanks..

Thanks so much for the encouraging and motivating comments John and Jas. :)

I actually did 'refresh' myself each and every day, hoping that the next day, or week, would be better...and it was only to be let down ..again. That was why I am rather frustrated over things. So here goes:

*Shu Li has just clicked the ~refresh~ button in herself*

19th November

It has been a very very rough past 5 weeks for me. This placement has been the worst I have ever experienced in medical school. I started off with the most positive of feelings and inspired to do something good and experience something even better. After all, obstetrics and gynaecology are what I think, the essence of mankind. The care of the woman, her wellbeing, and that of her precious one has always been held at a high esteem by myself. I do still think that the people in this field are one of a kind. It is akin to being a consultant in two different fields. It covers the medicine and the surgical side of it. The very youngest you would ever see, and the elderly too. An “all-rounded” unit as I see it. Truly captivating all of doctorhood.

Yet, here I am, expressing that I had a bitter time. So many negatives happened to me, day after day, week after week. It was only me, and no other colleagues experienced the same way I did. Of course, there were major differences in my timetable and scheduling compared to theirs, but just the fact that I was contradicting 6 other people’s experience, even I doubted myself. I wondered if the roots of the problem were from me. I was pretty sure it was not me in the first half, but now, I am not too sure anymore. Was I able to adapt myself completely? I lacked a lot of confidence, and knowledge too. I am scared out of my wits most of the time. I failed to concentrate due to the numerous ‘complications’ that cropped out throughout my placement.

I would have an examination this coming Friday. I am very worried, to the extent of even considering emailing an emergency mail citing the extenuating circumstance that I am going through. I do not think I am doing okay.

But, if the worse must come, so be it.

All about you..

Medicine really takes the life out of me.

I wish I could do so many other things, besides trying to cope with medicine. If there is a will, there is a way, I know. But some things are fixed, there are the variables and non variables. If I were to be super smart, super organised, super talented and super brilliant, it is not a problem. However, I need the extra effort, extra time, extra motivation and extra everything in order to survive and be a better doctor in the future. So, some things need to be sacrificed.

I wish I could cope better, and be active in many things that I enjoy doing, again..

I am envious of those who are so well-rounded, having the opportunities to savour so much of life, stuff beyond studying.

Experience is the best teacher.

the becoming??? noooo..

Am I becoming more "British"? I hope not!!!

I like to have tea and coffee breaks, with biscuits preferably.
I eat whenever I get off work/placement!
I like crisps (that's potato chips for the Americanized!) a tad too much.
I am getting tired too quickly after too little work! (Oops, not all Brits are like that)
I am liking sweet drinks a tad too much too.
I've been eating too little veggies, and fruits (not as though there is much of a variety here anyway).
I'm beginning to see a "spare tyre", and being more "apple shaped". Hope it's just the winter fat pad..and will shed itself off! *wishful thinking, i know!*


On another note, I miss my friends.

*Rolled eyes*

I am currently on placement, not too far away from cardiff, but inconvenient enough to travel daily. Here I am, at the library, with stupendously troublesome and slow internet access feeling the NEED to put up an entry about this:

TheStar reported a comment made by Foreign Minister Rais Yatim:
"Rais said Obama’s victory was proof that Americans could choose their leader looking beyond the person’s race, colour or creed."

Here is THE LINK

Indeed, as the media reports, it seems as though the Americans have chosen a leader who is not entirely 'white' and therefore saw beyond race, colour and creed. Sadly, our minister forgot to say about our own country, if we can ever emulate such magnanimousity. I doubt it. There was quite a hoo-hah when a non-malay was elected as ACTING head of S'gor State Development Corporation . So many factions had to come out to defend that it is not permanent, and reassurance had to be made that the appointment is only temporary. The ugly side of "Malaysians" showed. Mind you, this is only at a state level! At presidency level? *EYES ROLLED*

What does the future hold for the progress of the country when fairness is blurred?
"Malay-Muslims being the majority would hold administrative positions but the roles and rights of other races should not be denied." ..Yeah, right. What a disclaimer!

I shall add one here too then:
Disclaimer: This post is in no way meant to cause harm and uproar or touch on sensitive issue. If you are affected positively, Thanks!; if negatively, hope you will see the light sooner rather than later and my best wishes to you nonetheless.