It has been a very very rough past 5 weeks for me. This placement has been the worst I have ever experienced in medical school. I started off with the most positive of feelings and inspired to do something good and experience something even better. After all, obstetrics and gynaecology are what I think, the essence of mankind. The care of the woman, her wellbeing, and that of her precious one has always been held at a high esteem by myself. I do still think that the people in this field are one of a kind. It is akin to being a consultant in two different fields. It covers the medicine and the surgical side of it. The very youngest you would ever see, and the elderly too. An “all-rounded” unit as I see it. Truly captivating all of doctorhood.
Yet, here I am, expressing that I had a bitter time. So many negatives happened to me, day after day, week after week. It was only me, and no other colleagues experienced the same way I did. Of course, there were major differences in my timetable and scheduling compared to theirs, but just the fact that I was contradicting 6 other people’s experience, even I doubted myself. I wondered if the roots of the problem were from me. I was pretty sure it was not me in the first half, but now, I am not too sure anymore. Was I able to adapt myself completely? I lacked a lot of confidence, and knowledge too. I am scared out of my wits most of the time. I failed to concentrate due to the numerous ‘complications’ that cropped out throughout my placement.
I would have an examination this coming Friday. I am very worried, to the extent of even considering emailing an emergency mail citing the extenuating circumstance that I am going through. I do not think I am doing okay.
But, if the worse must come, so be it.
Friday, November 21, 2008
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3 comments:
WAH.. i think O&G is by far, the GROSSEST specialty. Don't get discouraged, forget about "knowing stuff", just find out what they want for ur exam and learn up on that. You have the rest of ur career to be proficient at the rest of it.
Hey Shuz, I know I don't usually leave comments. I was randomly clicking on blogs to read and stumbled on yours.
I just want you to know that no matter what happens, don't ever falter in your faith and belief in yourself. That, I think, is the very essence in life, no matter what occupation or age. Throughout the past 5 weeks, I believe I had my back against the rope as well. Some days I got home and bursted into tears. I need you to believe me that you're not the only one doubting yourself.
If you believe that you DO have what it takes, and with patience, I am sure you will come through. I imagine that what you are going through is very rough, but:
"when you've come to the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on".
Forgot who said it :P But you get the point. Hope your osce went ok. Lots of love and hugs and kisses,
Jas x x x x x
Dun worry la. Most of the ppl will think that they are not doing very good before the exam. They are actually just anxious about it. Most of them are actually quite well prepared in terms of their 'knowledge and understanding'. They are only lack of confidence.
So, what you should do now is, recall 1 event that u had done very well in the past after overcoming a huge barrier. U just need to repeat the same 'miracle' this time.
Dun wry too much la! U can do it 1!
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